D seems to be in somewhat better spirits this morning. Debbie and her little girl will be visiting us today, and I think we'll head out to the park in the afternoon, which I think D will really enjoy. He loves the outdoors, just like his daddy. Often when he's fussy inside I just need to take him outside and he'll calm down. I don't know if it's the fresh air or the change of scenery, but there's something there.
The past few nights D's been sleeping better, which means that while still tired I've been feeling a bit more sane and alert when he wakes during the night. And lately, when I lay him back down in his bed after feeding, as he's already fast asleep, and I look down upon him as he stretches and maybe yawns, then rolls over to sleep, I've been getting bowled over with love and gratefulness.
Anyone who reads this blog knows I am not shy about sharing the difficulties of motherhood. What I need to get better about is also sharing the incredible parts of it. Like how sweet and peaceful he looks as he sleeps. The sound of his voice as he babbles or laughs, which must be some of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard. His delicate, tired yawn coming from the backseat of the car as we drive. How he grabs at my face and holds it between his hands when he's tired, even with one thumb in his mouth. I really think there's a connection between what kind of sleep I'm getting, and my ability to notice these little things and appreciate them. He is such an incredible and amazing child, and it is so incredible and amazing to be his mother. We are so, so lucky, and that is something I need to remind myself of when I feel my patience and energy running thin.