Monday, December 22, 2014

on my mind

After 5 months of working intensely long hours, Zach's been "on the beach" (aka between projects, aka not going in to work) for the past 2 weeks. So that's been nice, getting to actually see him and spend time together. They said this part of the job would be kinda boom-and-bust, with intense working periods and random time off, and I guess we finally got to the "random time off" part.

Quinn is enjoying preschool, or at least seems to like it ok and has made some buddies-- it's pretty fun to watch them run around wildly together during their outdoor time when I go pick him up every day. Though he still tells me he misses me while at school, and talks about liking being at home better.

Most of the time I feel pretty good about homeschooling with Donovan, with occasional bouts of oh-my-god-I'm-fucking-it-all-up. But I figure that's kinda just part of parenting-- the occasional freak-outs are just a normal part of everything. D is enjoying it, and it's so nice having everything be more relaxed We're slowly building up our networks-- we've got a solid homeschool group we belong to, I've kinda accidentally become an organizer for a local monthly lego group, and have some other stuff in the works. For the first few months after we moved D was having such a hard time with the adjustment, just missing our life in NH and wanting to just stay home and be pretty anti-social. He's really turned it around in the past couple months, and now happily comes out to park days and engages easily with other kids there. Sometimes you just need a little time, I guess.

Over the weekend we went to this low-tide walk with the Marine Science Institute. We didn't find as many fun critters as we'd hoped (partially bc the waves were way high so we didn't dare go as close to the water's edge as we might otherwise) but the boys still loved climbing over the rocks, and playing on the beach. And I took a bunch of pictures.

I'm looking forward to and also trying to gear myself up for Christmas, as this is the first year without JC and that absence will be especially palpable, I'm sure, once we get to my mom's house. It tears at my heart a little as I watch D get into so many of the things JC loved, imagining them talking Star Wars and maybe making short movies together. Alas.

Every year I write up a year-in-review type letter/post, and I still want to write one for 2014 but it just feels overwhelming. I kinda can't believe how many big things got packed into this one year. It's kinda hard to look back and think clearly about it all.

I wrapped the boys' gifts tonight. I both feel a little bad that they're getting only a handful of small things from us, and also realize they already have beyond plenty and get stuff randomly throughout the year and will get more stuff from family anyway. So, we'll have our small family christmas here, then fly to Texas to see my family, which I expect will be fun and loud and lovely and chaotic, as always, just also tinged with a bit of bittersweet sadness.

Hugs to all who are missing someone over the holidays.


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