Sunday, May 11, 2008

So frustrated

I'm frustrated b/c D's sleep has been all over the place lately. We've had a few nights of sleeping 9 hrs at a time, and just as many nights of him waking up 1 hour after he went to bed, waking up crying every 10 minutes after that, then maybe going to sleep a good hour or 2 after, sleeping anywhere from 3-7hrs afterwards. As for naps, yesterday he fell asleep completely on his own for his first 2 naps of the day, then in the afternoon he got super crabby and couldn't stay asleep for one of his naps. I keep reading that babies his age are supposed to have 2-3 naps during the day (totaling 3-5hrs of sleep), we're still doing 5-7 45-min naps, which is exhausting b/c it seems I'm constantly having to go get him back to sleep for his next nap... and my usual tricks are not working as well as they used to.

I'm frustrated at myself for allowing him to not get good naps this afternoon as we spent time with some friends (or yesterday as we went on a walk during one of his naptimes), possibly contributing to the above problem.

I'm frustrated b/c his eating is all over the place, too. Sometimes he'll want to nurse, but won't take hardly any milk at all. Other times he'll nurse once an hour (like the past 4 hours), drinking a good bit each time. I'm pretty sure it's not a growth spurt, b/c his eating's been weird for weeks now. I also don't think it's teething b/c while he seems to have a strong need to have stuff in his mouth now, he doesn't seem to be trying to put pressure on his gums or anything. He also won't really take a pacifier, and he's still not taking bottles (got him to drink an ounce the other day, but when I tried again yesterday he refused... and completely forgot to try again today, setting us back further).

And then I'm frustrated for feeling so down about him. Sure, he's having some crappy sleep. But he's not waking up every 2 hrs at night like many other babies his age still do. When he does keep waking up at night, if I give up and bring him down to play he'll be happy and smiley (even though 2 mins before when he woke he was screaming). Overall he tends to be calm and in a good mood. And he's healthy and normal. Just earlier today we were walking around the village and passed a family walking with 2 of their adult children who seemed to have significant mental retardation. I feel like a spoiled brat complaining about these little things with D when we clearly have a healthy, beautiful, developmentally-normal, wonderful, happy baby.

I think I'm in one of my moods again, even though I had a really nice time today hanging out with a friend and her baby. I hate when I get like this, b/c I know these "problems" with D aren't that bad, but they feel so sh!tty when I'm in this mood. And I'm sure it doesn't help him any.

4 comments:

  1. What?!? So you're not an automaton??? You have emotions and mood swings (after having a baby? Who's ever heard of that! Preposterous) and you worry about your child, who is your world right now, which makes it hard for you to stop and think about the rest of the world? Good heavens, who has ever heard of that?

    You're a human, first of all, and it is our flawed nature to think of ourselves and our situation without noticing how much better we have it than the next guy (usually, because we're looking the other way, at the other guy who seems to have it better than we do). You are blessed to have a healthy, beautiful child. He is blessed to have a mother who cares and worries so much about him, is constantly thinking of what she should do differently for him to make his little baby life better, and also happens to be so aware of the world around her, what she can do to make it better, and how lucky she is to be where she is instead of looking at greener grass and wallowing in self-pity (deserved or not).

    Miss Montessori that you are, you should know that kids are weird, wonky, unpredictable things. NO SIZE FITS ALL. Remember that when you're reading those books that tell you what he "should" be doing.

    Don't kick yourself for being in a bad mood. Allow yourself to be selfish every once in a while (for the past three months your life has not been your own. You can be selfish for a day or so every now and then).

    And don't feel bad that you took your son on a walk or spent time with friends. You're in a beautiful town, he should enjoy the air and cowbells.

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  2. {{{hugs}}}}

    First, throw away the books! Our babies don't read them and know that they're "supposed" to eat or sleep a certain amount.

    I experienced a lot of the same frustrations you're feeling at various times. Once I finally just accepted that A was going to do what she was going to do and roll with it, and stopped worrying about what she was 'supposed' to do, life got better. No, she didn't sleep better (she's never been a good sleeper), but *I* was more relaxed. I also found that when I was getting stressed/frustrated, A's difficult behaviour escalated. She was no doubt sensing it.

    Everything YOU are feeling is very very normal. And likely, everything D is doing is also very normal. Every kid is different. Every kid does his own thing.

    I can't offer any solutions (since A only started sleeping through the night recently, and her eating was all over the map). Just lots of sympathy and encouragement. Take some time for yourself to regroup.

    And happy Mother's Day :)

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  3. Oh, and about the bottles - A also refused bottles. I was going back to work at 12 weeks and freaking out that she'd starve (if I was at home, I'd have not bothered). We tried every trick. What worked was me not being there for 8 hours. Even that took awhile and she reverse cycled :(, but she didn't starve.

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  4. Hey-- Don't be so down on yourself! It's OK to get frustrated. Eventually this stuff will normalize and you'll have a more predictable schedule. You're just in the funky zone right now with naps. There's probably not much you can do about it, so don't beat yourself up! And enjoy those rare times out of the house with a friend! You deserve it.

    That's my two cents.

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