magic

There are many times when this whole baby thing just doesn't seem at all real. Like, what? What do you mean we're having a baby? That's crazy talk. Then again, a month ago I was talking to a mom of 2 gorgeous little toddler girls and she said she and her husband still look at each other in amazement thinking "What? These are our kids? Are we seriously parents??" So perhaps the disbelief takes a while to wear off... if ever.

And then there are moments like yesterday, during the hospital tour, when as we walked to the labor room they were going to show me, I caught a peek of the nursery and a dad playing with his newborn child, and I immediately had to fight back tears. It was an instantaneous reaction. It wasn't any sort of fully formed thought, like "aw that will be Zach and our son soon" but just this immediate wave of emotion, at the sweetness of that moment.

It happened again when she showed me the post partum rooms and I caught sight of a new mother sitting up in bed, her newborn baby nestled on her lap.

And then at night, as I read one of my pregnancy books, I closed my eyes for a bit and tried to visualize what Loki's birth might be like. I have ideas of what I would prefer to happen, of course, and fears of what might happen instead. But I fully believe that, no matter what, in the end I'll be holding my darling son, and that image in my mind brought tears to my eyes all over again. I can't imagine what an emotional wreck I will be when that moment actually comes, b/c every time I even think about it I just get overwhelmed by the enormity and amazingness and magic of it all.