Friday, July 13, 2007

wonders & worries

For a change, we've been having GORGEOUS weather the past 2 days-- woot! I got an email this morning from a friend who was going to be hanging out by the lake this evening with some friends, so Zach, me, Andrew & Jakki headed into town to meet up with them. It was pretty much perfect-- the jet d'eau had a rainbow in its stream (of which I got a kick-ass picture), the sky was totally clear so you could even see Mount Blanc, and we had a nice spot in the grass where I could kick off my flip flops and stand on the fresh, soft grass and chat with people. Pretty awesome.

Afterwards we stopped by one of the sidewalk panini shops and got some sandwiches, and managed to really amuse the large Swiss guy working there. Jakki got a picture with him b/c she thought he was funny. =P

In other news... I'm kind of worried about my mom. I keep hearing about her getting in fights with my sisters, and it just sucks b/c I know she's just trying to give advice and help them out, but it seems to come across in the completely wrong way. She's been under so much stress the past several years, with different family stuff, and I don't know... I guess that's just it, that I know her intentions are good but somehow she just ends up going too far and into fights, and everyone ends up feeling like crap-- she tries to express an opinion or concern, and it comes out like an accusation. I get the sense that she shoulders the burden of so many things and internalizes it, and then it comes out as her being irate and frustrated. And I don't really know what I can do to help.

4 comments:

  1. The conversations/yelling matches I have with her always end with her telling me I'm right, and with her victimizing herself - she's just trying to help, but saying things the wrong way... this is the way she was raised... she has always been so supportive of me... oh, she's so proud of me - even though the conversation was nothing but her telling me what a big, terrible, horrible mistake I'm making. I used to chalk it up to guilt-tripping, which was/is her favorite hobby, but the victimization might be more than her trying to get more sympathy. You may be right that there's something else there... but I don't think anybody here can make her see that. You are the Golden Child - happily and financially-successfully married, about to give her a grandchild - she might listen to you, since you're not a jobless, divorced failure. (Yes, she uses that against me in every conversation - for a while, "the divorce" was a reason for anything and everything, and whenever I make a decision she doesn't like, she brings up my lack of judgement in the past.)

    Coming back from the reunion, if it was as "great" as she said, she should have been relaxed and happy, but she threw a hissy fit with Lindsey - that is a pretty bad sign. If she's going to listen to anybody, I bet it'd be you.

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  2. Unfortunately I don't know what I could say... she knows that she says things the wrong way, and she doesn't want to hurt people, but doesn't seem to be able to figure out how to stop herself.

    Maybe mom needs therapy.

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  3. I think she definitely does. She needs to let go of the expectations she feels her siblings and parents are putting on her, and she also needs to realize her children have grown up into ADULTS. She needs to LET IT GO - we are not her problem anymore. The time for her to influence our actions and decisions was when we were younger. She needs to trust that she did a good enough job then, and let us live our own lives now.

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  4. I read somewhere that the Chinese character for MOTHER has the characters for LOVE and PAIN in it! Isn't that the truth!!
    Being a mother is hard. I know, I am one of a teenager so my battles are now starting!
    I also have my share of battles with my mother who lives down the way from me. She is fabulous but she soo often upsets me with her advice. My mom also doesn't know how to stop herself! I just take many many many deep breaths!
    On another note, Glad you are having nice weather.

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