I knew going into pregnancy that my body wouldn't quite belong to me anymore. I'd have to be careful about what I ate, what I did, and watch my body change in ways I never had before. I was prepared for that and accepted it.
What I never really thought about, though, was how my body would still not be quite mine after birth. I had this idea that I'd go back to my regular clothes pretty quickly, didn't really think about the logistical problems of breastfeeding and wardrobe, or that I'd still be avoiding things like alcohol and caffeine (I'm actually more worried about caffeine now than I was while pregnant, as if baby was wired while in the womb I just got a few extra kicks. Now if he gets wired from caffeine, I have to deal with a baby that won't sleep).
I'm actually back to being fairly close to my pre-pregnancy shape and size. I don't fit into my jeans yet, but I'm not that far off. I think I'm still 10-15lbs heavier than my pre-preg weight. Which is pretty good, except I'm kind of in this wardrobe limbo, where some of my old clothes fit but others don't, and I don't really want to spend much money on new clothes yet b/c don't know how long they'll continue to fit. I almost wish I'd invested in another good pair or 2 of maternity jeans, since I'm still wearing mine most days. I'm wearing my 4 GlamourMom nursing tanks over and over again, b/c extra step of pulling up my shirt and unlatching my bra just seems too big a pain.
And so while I'm very glad to be breastfeeding, and take great pride in knowing that it is through me that this little guy is growing as well as he is, and though I have no intention of quitting nursing until he's around 1 year old, I am also looking forward to one day having my body back to myself again and not having to worry about the things I'm doing with it directly affecting another little person.