gratitude

I realize the overall tone of this blog has tended to lean towards the negative lately. I bitch and moan and complain, because this is my outlet.  Sometimes I just need to vent, and often the feedback I get in comments really does help.

But sometimes life also smacks me upside the head and reminds me all over again just how lucky I am, and how grateful I should be, and every once in a while I try to make a note of that here, too.

I just read this post by Meg at Sew Liberated, and just cried my eyes out.  I discovered Meg's blog back when it was still called Montessori by Hand, when she was still teaching in Mexico.  I've followed her journey as she and her husband moved to North Carolina, and then had their first child.  I've been awed  and inspired by her parenting, her understanding of Montessori, and her ability to apply that knowledge at home.  When she announced her second pregnancy, I felt excited for her, and for being able to follow along as she mothered this second child who would be so close in age to mine.  And so when she announced in that post that her unborn child has a congenital heart defect, will require multiple open-heart surgeries in his first months of life, and even then they aren't sure if he'll survive, it broke my heart.  I found myself sobbing at the keyboard, feeling a combination of sorrow for an online friend, gratefulness for not having received similar news myself, and guilt at having a (so far) healthy baby in my belly while this wonderful, lovely person has to live with this sort of news.

And so, dear Universe, I'd like to take a moment to count my blessings:

*I am grateful for my husband, who works his butt off to be the best father, spouse, and provider he can be.

*I am grateful for my darling son, who is healthy, beautiful, and so very, very amazing.

*I am grateful for the ability to stay home with my child(ren).  As frustrating as it may be at times, I know I wouldn't want things any other way.

*I am grateful for this pregnancy, which came easily when wanted and has so far been healthy and, all things considered, relatively easy on me; and for the baby pushing on my belly right now, who has shown all signs of being perfectly healthy so far.

*I am grateful for my first birth and the positive experience I had.

*I am grateful that, barring unforseen changes, I should be able to have this next baby here at home as we wish, and that we are able to afford the care of talented midwives despite insurance not covering any of it.  Not everyone is so lucky.

I'm sure I will need to vent again soon, and life is always full of ups and downs.  But the truth is that my life is very, very good, and I should work on reminding myself of that more often when I feel like throwing myself a pity party.