It's been really something watching my moods fluctuate in these past 2 weeks. Sometimes I will feel completely fine, happy with everything, coping, etc. Then other times I feel so tense and anxious, weighed down by the responsibility that lies ahead of us now, worried about how we're doing, if Donovan is ok, and how in the world am I going to deal with taking care of him on my own when Mom leaves and Zach's at work (not to mention that Zach already has some business trips scheduled for April/May).
At least I'm able to step back and realize that what I'm feeling is often related to hormones, and not the situation. I find myself stressing out about breastfeeding-- is he getting enough to eat? Is it going well enough? Will my nipples always hurt? Is he latching/sucking well enough? Etc etc etc. And when I look at how things are going objectively, there's really no need for me to worry-- he seems happy, he seems to eat well, he's producing plenty of dirty diapers. And so I try to talk myself down from feeling so worried about it, knowing that there's not much reason for me to be upset. Zach has been great, he's been pretty tuned in to my moods and encouraging me to open up and talk and cry anytime I need to. He's kind of lost with this whole baby thing, he's had zero experience with infants in the past, but he's doing great and helping lots. He really likes taking Donovan out for walks in the sling. =)
I'm starting to think about how to meet up with people-- having friends over to see Donovan (and hang out a little bit), and even thinking about making trips into town with him. I'm a bit apprehensive of how those outings might go-- will I be able to find a place to feed him (since I don't feel comfortable feeding out in public yet), and will he eat well while we're out? Will he be happy or would he cry all the way home on the tram? But I guess you gotta try all these things out sometime. And I know it will be good for me to connect again with our friends, to know that while that aspect of our lives is drastically changed, it's not over.
Tomorrow I'll be trying to call the pediatrician's office to see about making an appointment. We saw the dr for a check-up when Donovan was 1 day old and we were supposed to go again at 4-5 days but we had to cancel due to the hospital/jaundice ordeal. I tried calling all last week, but it seems the office was closed-- last week was a school holiday and apparently that means all pediatricians in Geneva go missing. I'm not sure what they'll say about an appointment, if they'll want to see him or just wait till the 1 month check-up, but hopefully I can at least get him in to get weighed so I can be assured that he's gaining weight properly. All signs point to him getting plenty to eat, but the weight check would be a nice last (for now) confirmation of that.