It's been really something watching my moods fluctuate in these past 2 weeks. Sometimes I will feel completely fine, happy with everything, coping, etc. Then other times I feel so tense and anxious, weighed down by the responsibility that lies ahead of us now, worried about how we're doing, if Donovan is ok, and how in the world am I going to deal with taking care of him on my own when Mom leaves and Zach's at work (not to mention that Zach already has some business trips scheduled for April/May).
At least I'm able to step back and realize that what I'm feeling is often related to hormones, and not the situation. I find myself stressing out about breastfeeding-- is he getting enough to eat? Is it going well enough? Will my nipples always hurt? Is he latching/sucking well enough? Etc etc etc. And when I look at how things are going objectively, there's really no need for me to worry-- he seems happy, he seems to eat well, he's producing plenty of dirty diapers. And so I try to talk myself down from feeling so worried about it, knowing that there's not much reason for me to be upset. Zach has been great, he's been pretty tuned in to my moods and encouraging me to open up and talk and cry anytime I need to. He's kind of lost with this whole baby thing, he's had zero experience with infants in the past, but he's doing great and helping lots. He really likes taking Donovan out for walks in the sling. =)
I'm starting to think about how to meet up with people-- having friends over to see Donovan (and hang out a little bit), and even thinking about making trips into town with him. I'm a bit apprehensive of how those outings might go-- will I be able to find a place to feed him (since I don't feel comfortable feeding out in public yet), and will he eat well while we're out? Will he be happy or would he cry all the way home on the tram? But I guess you gotta try all these things out sometime. And I know it will be good for me to connect again with our friends, to know that while that aspect of our lives is drastically changed, it's not over.
Tomorrow I'll be trying to call the pediatrician's office to see about making an appointment. We saw the dr for a check-up when Donovan was 1 day old and we were supposed to go again at 4-5 days but we had to cancel due to the hospital/jaundice ordeal. I tried calling all last week, but it seems the office was closed-- last week was a school holiday and apparently that means all pediatricians in Geneva go missing. I'm not sure what they'll say about an appointment, if they'll want to see him or just wait till the 1 month check-up, but hopefully I can at least get him in to get weighed so I can be assured that he's gaining weight properly. All signs point to him getting plenty to eat, but the weight check would be a nice last (for now) confirmation of that.
i admire how candid you are about how you are feeling. it's so great that you have such support in zach!
ReplyDeleteI was surprised at how quickly I just learned to deal with nursing in public. He had to eat and I fed him! I have definitely nursed in some interesting places in Paris. :) I think you'll find that you adapt pretty quickly and that is it really easy to be modest. No one will even know... :)
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you are doing really well to me! You're really clear about your thoughts and feelings and how those are connected. So far so good - for everyone :) Donovan is the most adorable baby.
ditto about being candid and it probably will help you to get some rational perspective by writing out your feelings. if your gut instinct says it is hormones driving these fears, it probably is. dont diminish them, because they are powerful buggers, but dont forget they will leave, and so far it sounds like he IS doing great!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you'll get through it and look back and think your worries are silly... On the flip side, we don't have any kids and I still worry about those same issues!
ReplyDelete{{{hugs}}} everything sounds very normal, but don't hesitate to seek help if you feel the baby blues getting more severe. Hormones can be wacky!
ReplyDeleteAs for nursing in public - the sling is great for this! I was sure I'd have a hard time, but the first time out I managed to latch her on while in the sling and continue walking around the store. No one noticed a thing. I often nursed her in that when she was small and no one noticed - so much so that an elderly man came up and patted her head while she was nursing. He wouldn't have if he'd known what she was doing.
But take it slow and easy. Don't push yourself.
Marcy, don't worry - you are doing extremely well! it's all very normal - I think I was crying for the first week - and was extra worry all the time.
ReplyDeleteIt only gets better!! and donovan will grow so fast - enjoy!
love,
Monika and Audrey (she can't wait to meet donovan :P)
You're doing great! The hormones are rough but the nursing is helping, I promise. That warm fuzzy feeling is your body giving you some happy hormones to combat the other ones. If you are really struggling, talk to the doctor - mom-care is as important as baby-care. I managed to stay off psych-drugs from Ryan's birth until law school started, mostly due to my hormonal change after pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteTrust your instincts - you know way more about kids than I did at the same point, and Ryan is thriving, healthy, happy, and almost 5.
Pack an extra large but light receiving blanket to drape over your shoulder, if the sling doesn't do the trick for nursing. I couldn't make it work for me but sounds like Zach figured it out. I bet your mom could fix something up for you with a yard of material. You can fold it in a triangle like a handkerchief and even tie it over your shoulder to hide him under. Don't know the french outlook on booths, but you can hide in those too until you're more comfortable. Maybe try it out on the patio so you get the feeling of public but still close enough to run inside :)
I nursed Ryan in an airport Chili's once. Now, when I see women nursing babies, I'm envious because I want another one.
You've been leaving an amamzing documentation of your experience (and very good lessons/info for future moms to be!)...I'm excited to meet the little one, and you know that we're here to support! Looking forward to lunch on Thurs :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe I will order some of these Hooter Hiders for you, after all. Gmail must think they're swell, because every time I log on I see their ad over my inbox.
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