It was a day filled with friends and sun and good times, and yet even these great days can be exhausting. And so by bedtime we were all fairly worn out and on short fuses (or at least the boys and I were, Zach seemed fine). There was a fight to get D in the tub, and of course once in he remembered that baths are awesome, and then Q screamed and cried and it took several minutes to realize he just wanted his truck (the one very specific truck, of course) because when he's upset he loses all ability to speak coherently and resorts to hysterical, high-pitched screeching.
It was about then that D informed me that it had been a bad idea to have two kids, two kids is too hard and we should have just had one kid because that's easier and then he'd have plenty of time to spend with just me, and two kids was just a bad idea. And, well, I guess I've been wondering when this would show up. D has been so amazingly patient with Q and the way his world got turned completely upside down when Q entered the picture, and I've wondered if, when, and how that resentment would surface. He didn't seem that upset when he said it tonight, but he did say it and I know he honestly feels it, at least some of the time. Which is entirely fair on his part, really-- having a younger sibling can be a total pain in the ass sometimes. One of the hardest things for me about having two kids is constantly feeling torn between their different needs, different stages of development and independence that call for such different things sometimes (and oh so often at the same exact time), feeling like I'm often neglecting one for the sake of the other. That's gotten so much better as they've both gotten older and thus more independent, and slightly better able to wait for things...but it's still there and I guess to some degree it may always be.
|Tackling each other while watching the soccer games yesterday.|
|Digging for worms (and snacks)|
I know all of that, and yet it still feels like a dagger through the heart when I hear my son say those things.