bald faced

I felt fairly self-conscious about going out in public with my buzzed hair for the first couple days, and then got more comfortable with it. That following week I started noticing hair shedding, which has happened in spurts and stops since then. A popular tip on the cancer forums is to use a lint roller on your head to easily grab the loose hairs as/before they fall out, and it's surprisingly effective... there have been times when I filled multiple of the sticky sheets with stray hair just rolling it around my head.

Something you don't often hear about is that your scalp actually gets tender and sore as hair falls out. For me it was mostly on the top of my head, and as short as it was anything that moved the hair I did have, would hurt. So eventually I asked Zach to shave it down with clippers, which almost instantly made my scalp feel better.

 This look is taking a bit longer to get used to... It's weird looking in the mirror and thinking "Whoa, I look like a cancer patient." Followed by, well, acknowledging that that's exactly what I am right now.

The hair loss is a strange thing to observe. I'd estimate I've probably lost about 50% of the hair on my whole body, in a way that leaves some areas patchy and otherwise just...thinned out. I'm building up a collection of hats and beanies, for comfort, sun protection, and also just warmth-- turns out not having hair means your head gets cold way more easily. I also have a handful of fun costume wigs on loan from a friend that I may play around with from time to time.

I've also noticed that without hair, I'm gravitating much more towards using a bit of makeup, earrings, even painting my nails. I think it's part having so much more focus on my FACE when there isn't hair to help share the spotlight, a bit of self-pampering, and also just wanting to reclaim a bit of femininity. An effort to maybe not totally look like a cancer patient, and sorta "own" the look a little.