Hello, 2024

I'm filling this first day of the year with activities I want to do more of in 2024-- a short walk with the dog; taking myself out to breakfast + journaling; a hike with pretty views, taking pictures along the way. This afternoon will probably involve some quiet reading on the couch and probably a nap, because a 3 mile hike might have been a bit ambitious (considering that very recently, a walk to the end of the block felt like my equivalent of running a marathon). Though I'm damn proud of myself for having done it.

It's a strange day with a lot of strange feelings. My surgery is tomorrow, and I can't really put my feelings about that into words other than to say that the whole thing feels just... utterly bizarre. I feel such deep gratitude about just being up for doing the things I did this morning, after months of feeling so shitty and having no energy. And yet there's also a part of me that is so sad that such simple activities like going for a walk and out to breakfast feel like milestone accomplishments. It's a far cry from the me of 6+ months ago.

 Many things can be true at the same time. I'm holding space for the grief I feel about all this, while also allowing myself to celebrate the legitimate milestones on this path to recovery and figuring out my new normal. Here's to a lot of grace and patience in the year ahead.