DONE with chemo! Next up: mastectomy

I finished chemo about two weeks ago (!!!), and am feeling surprisingly good already afterwards. I'm still having some mouth/taste weirdness, but energy-wise I feel better than I think I have in a while? I'd expected to be more worn down by the cumulative effects of chemo but maybe my body is just so happy to be done with it and not have to go through any more cycles.

And, great news-- the chemo did its job. My tumor has shrunk so much that it's not detectable by breast exam or ultrasound, which also means it likely killed any stray cancer cells that may have been floating around anywhere else.

On a mental/emotional note, one interesting aspect of everything is that dealing with all the chemo side effects kinda forced me to be micro-focused on getting through each moment/day, one step at a time. As I've started feeling better and putting chemo behind me, it opens up space in my head for thinking about the bigger picture and what all comes next, which can be a little overwhelming. The next big step ahead is surgery. I've been trying to mentally prepare for that the past few months but all of a sudden a lot of big feelings have been coming up about it... about the surgery itself, about what the recovery will be like (how painful, how long will it take to do normal things, etc), about what it will be like to get used to what my body will look like afterwards.

I met with my surgeon today, and am actually feeling a lot calmer. He was very reassuring and optimistic, easing a lot of my fears. I'll be getting a mastectomy and sentinel node biopsy in about a month (Jan 2nd, 2024). About a week afterwards I should get the surgical pathology report back, which will tell us things like if any lymph nodes had any evidence of cancer, and if the tumor really is all gone or if there were any residual living cancer cells left. That information will then guide my next treatment options.

In a way I think this next month ahead, waiting for surgery, will be a strange space to be in. Part of me wants it to hurry up and just get it over with already, rather than spending the next several weeks anticipating and thinking about what-if's. But I'm also glad for a month break from treatments. I'm brainstorming ways to really make the most of this time... I want to take advantage of not being so exhausted all the time and get to do the things I've had to put off these past several months. And, hopefully, staying busy will keep me from overthinking about surgery too much...