Friday, February 21, 2014

nomadic ramblings

This picture shows one of my favorite things about snow. One of the many surprising little discoveries about snow and winter is that snow, that plain white stuff, right? It literally has a "cool" blue color cast to it. When you combine that with the warm, golden tones of early morning or late afternoon sun, it creates this really gorgeous glow. I spent a lot of last winter marveling at this effect, and I recently realized that I've hardly noticed it this year-- I don't know if that's because we've had less sun, or I've been indoors more often during those times of day, or if I've just been too self-absorbed in my ZOMG WINTER SUCKS pity party. Perhaps there's a lesson there.

I was thinking the other day about our move in a few months there, which got me looking back on all the other times we've moved in the past few years, and I tried to actually count back...and I realized with a bit of shock that the last time I lived at one address for longer than two years was in 1998, when my mom and step-dad married and we moved in with his family.

I have spent the past 16 years moving at least every two years.

Some of those moves were within the same city, just to a new apartment. But most were fairly major- moving to a new city, or state, or even to a new country and back. Some we sought out, many landed right on our laps whether welcome or not. Part of me is so damn tired of constantly moving, constantly picking up our things and starting over...and that's not to mention how much more difficult and heartbreaking moving becomes as the boys get older. At the same time, I look back on all of the adventures we've experienced, all the people and places that have entered our lives and our hearts and all the ways we have been transformed by them, and I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. A few weeks ago someone on facebook posted this article on how living abroad changes you, and many things mentioned in it resonated with me but particularly the idea that when you live in many different places you no longer ever feel fully at home in any one of them because a part of you always longs for the other far-away people and places you have known. The author spoke specifically of international destinations, but for me it certainly hits home (hah) not just in regards to the tenderness I feel remembering our little farmhouse in Switzerland and the friends we met there (including our next-door neighbors who welcomed us with a warmth and enthusiasm that challenged every stereotype we'd ever heard about the Swiss), but also thinking of how much I enjoy our visits back to Austin (despite how much the city has changed in the 10 years since we moved away, part of me still considers it "home"); everything about California that I so look forward to going back to; and also everything about New Hampshire that I already know I will miss dearly when we leave.

I don't really know what to expect from here on out. Our hope is to make the SF bay area our home long-term, that in a year or two we will have a better sense of stability and be willing to plant down roots and buy a house yadda yadda yadda. I also know better than to have very firm expectations of what the future will bring, and wonders what other adventures we have in store for us yet.

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