week four

Tomorrow marks four weeks since Zach's departure, leaving seven more to go. Things have gone relatively well so far...though it's feeling like a few cracks are starting to show through. Quinn had been pretty easygoing until I went away for the weekend. When I got back he started having a shorter fuse, getting upset over things that before didn't bother him much. Cut to the past few days, and he's been having these intense crying-and-screaming meltdowns several times a day. It's not anything that unusual for a two-year-old, and especially knowing he's gotta be missing Zach. But, it's exhausting. Today I felt like I was navigating a minefield, trying to be so careful with what I said or how I handled every situation in an effort to avoid triggering another meltdown. Donovan's also been in an "off" mood lately, and lemme tell ya there's nothing quite like both your kids being inconsolably upset at the same time.

All of this would be easier to deal with if I weren't so damn tired all the time (hello, #1 most common parenting complaint). Every day I vow to get to bed earlier, then every evening I stay up late again trying to balance to-do lists, chores, and a bit of self-care. Ok, and wasting time online, I do a good bit of that, too. One of the crappier catch-22s of adulthood, at least for me, is that the more frazzled/tired I feel the harder it is for me to be efficient and conscious with how I use my free time, which tends to leave me feeling even more frazzled. It's a vicious cycle, and should help explain to those of you who know me in person why I so rarely have my shit together.

My in-laws have been here the past few weeks and been a HUGE help. I've hardly had to worry about dinner or wash dishes while they've been here, and I've gotten to do some fun one-on-one stuff with each of the boys while they hung out with the other. It's thanks to them that I was able to meet up with Zach at the Cape a few weeks ago, and next week they'll watch the boys overnight while I go with one of my best friends to see two of my all-time favorite bands play together (I seriously cannot tell you how excited I am about this trip). After that, the in-laws leave and I'll be on my own for a couple weeks before my mom arrives next month for her visit. I'll check in here if we survive till then.