Ding Dong the Cancer's Gone (as far as we can tell)

Cancer update: as far as we can tell, I don’t have any anymore 🙌🏻 squeewooooot!

I had my mastectomy just over a week ago. I’m healing well, resting lots, getting a bit of walking and movement in here and there, got my drain out today!!! Having a bit of pain/discomfort but a lot less than what I’d feared. Very grateful.

Pathology report came back and showed I had a complete response AKA there was no cancer left in my boob, the chemo killed it all! Which is awesome. The hell of chemo was worth it. Statistically this means my chances of recurrence are that much lower.

Since I had a mastectomy + clear lymph nodes + complete response, I don’t need radiation (yay!). I still have more treatments ahead of me… I’ll keep doing infusions every 3 weeks, though of only Herceptin from now on which should have few if any side effects. I’ll meet with my oncologist in about a month to talk about hormone therapy (which may have more side effects but I’m trying to stay optimistic). Also, surgery left me with limited range of motion in my right arm (expected), so I’ll soon start PT to get that back.

But, the hardest parts of active treatment (chemo + surgery) are behind me. I’m proud of myself for getting through it, and I never, ever want to go through that again. I’m slooooowly starting to feel a tiny bit more like myself… I have fuzzy hair starting to grow on my head, and teensy baby eyelashes peeking out on my lids. Energy levels come and go but slowly improving. I’m eager/anxious to get back to some semblance of “normal” (or a new normal, after all this) and also a little overwhelmed by how much it will likely take to get there. But, hey, one step at a time.

Hello, 2024

I'm filling this first day of the year with activities I want to do more of in 2024-- a short walk with the dog; taking myself out to breakfast + journaling; a hike with pretty views, taking pictures along the way. This afternoon will probably involve some quiet reading on the couch and probably a nap, because a 3 mile hike might have been a bit ambitious (considering that very recently, a walk to the end of the block felt like my equivalent of running a marathon). Though I'm damn proud of myself for having done it.

It's a strange day with a lot of strange feelings. My surgery is tomorrow, and I can't really put my feelings about that into words other than to say that the whole thing feels just... utterly bizarre. I feel such deep gratitude about just being up for doing the things I did this morning, after months of feeling so shitty and having no energy. And yet there's also a part of me that is so sad that such simple activities like going for a walk and out to breakfast feel like milestone accomplishments. It's a far cry from the me of 6+ months ago.

 Many things can be true at the same time. I'm holding space for the grief I feel about all this, while also allowing myself to celebrate the legitimate milestones on this path to recovery and figuring out my new normal. Here's to a lot of grace and patience in the year ahead.